Certain truths about one’s life suddenly become incredibly vivid when you’re being chased through your subdivision by a small herd of weiner dogs.
In the last couple of weeks I’ve decided to take on the habit of jogging. It’s part of a whole somewhat un-intended self-improvement kick I’m on. I’m suddenly compelled to make my closets more organized, my office less cluttered and my whites whiter and brighter. No, I’m not pregnant and nesting, as one friend suggested. I’ve just been reading back issues of Real Simple and Oprah.
Jogging was not in my original plan. But given the consistent odd luck of M and I, we managed to score lifetime ban at the local YMCA. That’s right. Lifetime. We didn’t do drugs in the foyer (or ANYWHERE for that matter) or put Jello in the pool or drop free weights on someone’s foot. M just didn’t read the fine print on some membership contract and we didn’t cancel our first contract according to the appropriate procedure. Lifetime ban. It’s like the yuppie equivalent to a biker getting kicked out of a bar.
Anyhoo, I decided that maybe I didn’t want a gym membership anyway, to any gym, anywhere because I was using it as an excuse to not work out. “It’s too far away / I’m low on gas / It will be too busy / I’d have to find a parking spot / It’s a full moon…” I did realize that there was plenty of sidewalk and I like walking. And jogging is just walking with pizazz, right? I will tell you I have the running capability of a sloth. I just don’t do it. Well, I just didn’t do it. Freshman year of high school I tried to run track and feigned sports-induced asthma to escape having to run in a circle for three hours a day after school. I saw some tweet about finding a “Couch to 5K” program on iTunes and decided that I should try it. All things considered, I was already on the couch end of the Couch——-5K continuum, and therefore felt I had already taken the first step.
So about the weiner dogs. As I was completing the second day of the first week I ran past a garage and about 6 of those furry beasts came after me. Dacshunds can move, I tell ya. Don’t let those skinny bodies and stubby legs fool you. They will hunt you down like a wild animal. Their human came running behind them calling for them, but they were on a roll – a 30-something, out-of-shape jogger wearing stinky running shoes closely resembles injured prey, I’m certain. They were thrilled with the chase so I made a u-turn and they followed me right back to their home. Just ca ll me the Pied Piper of Weiner Dogs. I got me some mad skillz.
But as I was leading the dogs back to their house, I was thinking. “WHY AM I DOING THIS??? I’m getting chased by dogs and this is hard work!!! I have enough things to do! I don’t need one more thing to keep track of! And do I need to say again that I’m getting chased by dogs???”
Ultimately, I realized that I’m enjoying the jogging thing. It’s become a fun personal goal to try to reach the 5K mark. In fact, I need someone to come up with a couch to organized closets series. That would be great. And no dogs would chase me.
